If I were to write a letter to me

Last week, I seen a post on Facebook about people writing a letter to their younger selves what would it say what would you tell your self to do or not to do..would you change anything about how your younger self would act or look?? After considering what I would say to my younger self I decided I wanted to try and write my own letter to me so without further adew please enjoy.

Dear Katee, 

    Let me introduce-ummmm your older self.. Yes yes I know your thinking what? how? why?  Well let me tell you when I was 15 I didn't have anyone to tell me about my future or even my present which is where you are now (my past) so I'm here to help you avoid some heart breaks and make some memories. First I want to start out by proving to you that it's me by saying look in your top drawer in your closet way in the back: I bet their are a pair of white thongs that no one knows you have and I bet if you look on your caller I'd you"ll see the phone number 479-497-1976on there a lot..why yes I do still know that number by heart and if that still not enough I'm the only one that knows about that condom you got from your best friend Jeniva that you gave to brandy one night....Ahhh I got your attention.

      Now I want to tell you the important things I chose to write you for. 

1) what you have with Brandy is just what their telling you puppy love..although you'll fall helplessly and hopelessly in love and swear its the real thing.....Don't waste anymore time with him than you feel you should he cheats on you time after time and then you go back to him because you think it was a One time thing and he loves you like you love him...HE DOESNT  I want you to remember one thing when you find the one your supposed to be with it'll be like having that first kiss all over again picture perfect beautiful sunset in front of you hands clasped hair wet feet dangling in the water and even though others are around for that one moment only you two exist...and one of the greatest feelings you'll have when you find the "one" you feel like your lips have touched before they go together like chocolate and wine..you just know he"ll be your best friend we didn't feel that with brandy.

2) We decide not to go into the air force although we seriously debate it time and time again so don't stress over all those books that dad wants you to study and trying to get into shape like you need to be to join..believe me when I say better things come and their is a soldier in your future..just not you;)

3) don't stress over your weight because when you start having kids it's all coming back instead have fun and dress that figure to show what you have, wear makeup wear low shirts and shake what yo momma gave you. I wish I had been more outgoing play sports now you'll regret it in the future, be a cheerleader or at least try out, and keep out of the party crowd you have many good friends who never drank and were virgins they went to one party and their lives was changed come Monday morning.

4) keep your grades up it pays off in the future 

5) Friends come and go but family last for ever. Don't stress about how many friends you have or if someone's mad at you most of your best friends now aren't your friends in the future. Everybody moves on and goes separate ways.

6) one of the last and most important things I have to tell you..no matter how many times having sex with brandy presents itself don't do it..it sounds like a good idea right now but believe me not only you but your soldier will be thankful later. 

  So have fun hold hands take those piggy back rides walk in silence take a drink of alcohol get in trouble for doing stupid stuff at school and take everything that your family says as a joke not an insult because when your my age family will be EVERYTHING. ohhh 1 more thing when Brandy mouths "I love you" as your getting seated for graduation say "I love you" back and then say "the end" the end to a wonderfully crazy sometimes hard sometimes sad high school life.

Always love your self first your family second and take every day as it comes...because it comes fast and before you know it your 26 writing a letter to your much younger self.

Love

Your older self

Katee Potter (yes your married) 

Nobody knows it but me!!!!

Why is it so easy to talk to our selves to make up stories in our minds about how certain scenarios will go how conversations or meetings will be played out but when it comes time for those meetings or conversations we freeze up, our mind seems to be doing the two step out beside us and those conversations we have had in practice mean nothing. I feel this is normalcy for me I can play conversations I want to have with someone out in my mind for hours but when it comes time for that conversation I sull up I become the quite me the one that gets run over by everyone in site and nobody looks back to see the damage. I've been told countless times throughout the past few years almost 7 to be exact, that I need to start standing up for myself stop taking crap from everybody and there brother. But, as much as the conversations play around in my mind and I keep telling myself I'm gonna tell so and so what I think the next time they make me mad, or start talking to me like I'm crap..but nope still haven't said anything to anyone..so there stands the famous questions of when, why, how. When will I stand up for myself when will I finally say enough is enough and start making the played out conversations in my head into a reality, why haven't I done it yet?? I'm old enough to know better and still to young to care, if only this were true..growing up I come from a family that taught obedience and respect respect for ourselves, for others and especially those that are older than ourselves. So there comes one of my main problems I have respect for everyone and that makes it almost impossible for me to speak my mind to that person. But yet coming from a family that shows so much respect to everyone and is brought up to show respect how am I the only one that actually does it??? How am I the only one that can't wont doesn't know how to stand up to those who hurt me??? I think this comes from being put down so many times growing up, being belittled and made to feel worthless and so low that you feel lower than than dirt (totally different blog :)) When you get to the point of feeling this low you eventually get to a point of being afraid to speak your mind. I truly believe this is my problem.

And in the beginning there were two

Where to start? Ok will start at the beginning i suppose. It was 6 years ago (2006) this past September when i met the love of my life my prince charming if you will. He was perfect or so it seemed at the time.We went to the movies, out to the river to look at the stars, etc.He worked in the oilfield so was gone alot, and because of this when he was home we spent every waking hour together. Now fast forward to November of 2006 we decided that after 2 months of dating we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We decided to tell our families over Christmas just how in love we had become. While his family was shocked mine wasn't really that surprised we had set the wedding for May of 2007 but have you ever heard the phrase "Fools Rush In"? This is exactly what we had became fools so to speak; because of circumstances we decided to move in together and get married in March. Everything seemed to be going good we of course had our little moments of did i really sign up for this? But who doesn't within the first few months or years. But getting back on track 2 months after getting married we found out we was expecting out first child and a week later found out we had lost it several weeks before. This was a major heartbreak for both of us. But thankfully Mike was their for me and took a week off of work to so he could be a shoulder for me to cry on. (btw did i mention he was a soldier and was even in Iraq for 13 months). After he went back to work and life started returning to normal i kept noticing little porn pop ups when ever i would get on the internet on our home computer. As small minded as i apparently am i would play them off as nothing.. until one day i logged on and decided to check the history and BAM he had been checking out countless porn sites sending waves, kisses, winks, etc.. This really pissed me off but i trusted him because when i would ask him about this stuff he would tell me it was nothing just something that came up in his email and he clicked on it. I believed him i mean why shouldnt I? We have only been married 3 months now and surely these problems arent already starting at only being married such as short time? So a couple weeks went by and i noticed a charge on our bank statement for $200.00 i called him at work and came out and asked him what it was for?? He said he had no clue so me being as stupid as i am i did alittle investigative work and found out that it was for a dating/porn website. YUP floored me to. I was so pissed when he got home i was on the verge of leaving but he come out and told me what it was for and that he liked looking at porn and didnt want me to find out about it. He told me he would delete it even made me sit their while he deleted it. Told me he was sorry blah blah blah. The usual im in trouble and been caught guy crap. Anyways moving on We got pregnant in October of 2007 and had our little boy William in july of 2008, In october of 2008 we found out we were pregnant again and had our little girl Kymbrial in july of 2009.. Yea we was busy lol. Anyways in the beginning of 2009 everybody remembers how the economy started going down the drain and out to sea, well so did the oilfield and mikes job. With him having an attitude it didnt help either. In July of 2010 we found out mike had lost his job and to put the Cherry on top of our already growing mess we had just signed the papers on our newly bought house and moved in the middle of April. How do you make payments on a house when the payments were coming from a job that has just been lost??? I remember spending lots of mornings, noons, and nights praying, praying that GOD would help us pay the bills, help our family stay strong when it felt like we was gonna fall apart. During this time I was working part/full time as a sub teacher this helped pay some of our bills, mikes disability check helped pay some more and have you ever heard the saying "we live overdraft to overdraft"?? That was us every month for 2 years..